


In Time

by tears_of_the_sun



Series: Buddie healing [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Healing, Hurt Eddie Diaz, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:07:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24000343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tears_of_the_sun/pseuds/tears_of_the_sun
Summary: Evan "Buck" Buckley, and Eddie Diaz recover from their own individual trauma's while supporting each other.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie healing [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730074
Comments: 11
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I proofed this twice, and I don't think there is anything that could be triggering in this chapter. 
> 
> Buck is recovering from a rape, and GSW to the chest, it is not directly mentioned, but slightly implied. And Eddie watched as everything happened, causing his own trauma. 
> 
> This chapter is more fluff and comfort than anything else.

It’s been about two weeks since Buck has been released from the hospital. He was ready to heal and focus on himself and Eddie and their relationship.

He’s been to see Frank twice since he’s been released, and so has Eddie. Buck’s nightmares were lowly starting to subside. At least the ones where he wakes up screaming. Now, if he wakes up from them, he just rolls over and nuzzles into Eddie without waking him.

Eddie has been.. rough. He has gone into protective overdrive, with both Buck and Christopher.

Their routine was getting slowly back to normal. Eddie would get Chris ready for school while Buck made breakfast, then they would both take the boy to school and then do what they wanted during the rest of the day. At 3:15, when school let out, they would both pick him up.

Buck’s body was healing physically. He was supposed to go tomorrow to get his stitches removed, and then wait a week then he could look into going back to work. Frank still thought that getting back to work, even at part time might benefit him. Buck on the other hand, was debating whether or not he was really ready to go back. He loved his job. But his job was no longer his world, and it kept trying to kill him.

He just. Buck was reevaluating what he really wanted in life, and he was starting to realize that it wasn’t necessarily the 118.

~

Eddie felt the weight of the bed shifting and felt an arm draping over his torso. He woke up fairly easily, pulling Buck into his arms. “Buck?” Eddie asked gently, running his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair.

Buck looked up at him gently, and kissed Eddie’s cheek. “Are you okay?” he asked Eddie in a small voice, that was rough and raspy.

Eddie heard the tone of Buck’s voice and sat up, turning on the light. “I’m okay, are you?” he countered.

Buck cringed at the light and glared at Eddie. “Don’t lie to me.” He said firmly, and Eddie sighed.

Eddie pulled Buck into his arms gently, “I hate that you’re hurting, baby. And I hate that I couldn’t save you. I tried,” he explained softly. Buck nodded and shifted to look at Eddie.

“Eddie, I know. You did everything you could,” Buck said softly, “Do you think I blame you?” he asked furrowing his eyebrows.

Eddie nodded gently, tears welling in his eyes and starting to fall down his cheeks.

Buck shifted so he was sitting on his knees and straddling Eddie’s lap. Buck rested both of his hands-on Eddie’s cheeks, pulling him up to look in his eyes and wiping away the tears in one simultaneous motion.

“Eddie, no.” Buck said firmly, “Eddie, you did everything you could do. There was nothing more you could have done. We were doing our jobs, and they chose to take revenge on us for that. This wasn’t your fault as much as it wasn’t mine.” Buck trailed off, and he started crying himself. He hated that he thought Eddie blamed him, it broke his heart.

“This wasn’t my fault..” He murmured softly, his eyes flickering up to Eddie’s and then away just as quickly.

A wave of relaxation settled over Buck. For the first time since everything happened, he felt his body actually relax and he smiled gently.

“This was not our fault. And we are okay,” he said with an adamant smile.

Eddie’s brow furrowed this time, and he gave Buck a confused look but nodded softly. He pulled Buck into a hug, pressing the man’s chest against his own. “I love you,” he whispered softly.

“I love you too,” Buck nuzzled close to Eddie, eternally grateful that Eddie felt like home. And Eddie was a safe space. Buck was convinced that they would get through this, they just needed to get there.

After they held each other for a little while, they both laid back down and Eddie turned off the light. Buck fell asleep with his head resting on Eddie’s chest, listening to his heart. Eddie held onto Buck, his mind wandering slightly.

Eddie still felt helpless. Two weeks after he figured out that was how he had been feeling, but he wasn’t helpless. He had Buck, right here, safe in his arms and his son was the next door down the hall. They were both safe, and he wouldn’t let either of them get hurt. Not again.

Eddie dozed into a light and restless sleep, waking back up at every small sound that the house made, or animals outside made.

He groaned when the annoying and loud alarm clock started beeping. He shut it off and rubbed Buck’s shoulders. “Can I stay here?” Buck asked softly, he really didn’t have the energy to get out of bed this morning.

Eddie immediately looked concerned, “Of course, baby what’s wrong?” he asked gently, his grip on Buck tightening a little.

Buck shrugged softly and hid his face in Eddie’s neck with a soft whimper.

Eddie laid there and held Buck until he heard Chris start to move around, “Baby, I gotta go get him ready and take him to school. I love you,” he said and slowly slid out of Buck’s arms and kissed his head softly.

Buck rolled over, and cuddled his pillow tight, hiding his face in it. Eddie grabbed his phone and texted Bobby asking if he wanted to come sit with Buck for a little. He knew Maddie would be at work, and the 118 didn’t start their shift until noon today.

As Eddie and Chris were about to eat their cereal, Bobby knocked gently on the door. Eddie opened it and offered Bobby a smile before pulling the older man into a hug, “Thank you,” he whispered softly.

Bobby gave him a confused look but hugged him back. “Eddie? What’s wrong?” Bobby asked carefully, talking quietly so Chris didn’t overhear them.

The two men stepped outside, Eddie leaning in the doorway. “I think today is just a bad day. I don’t know. Maybe a nightmare triggered him?” he suggested with a shrug, and realized Bobby was shaking his head.

“Eddie not with Buck, with you.” He said gently.

Eddie shrugged again, “I’m okay. All things considered. I mean I’m not great but. He needs me to be strong. And I am. I’m being what he needs me to be.”

Bobby gave him a look, “He needs you to be honest with him, not pretend to be okay.” He countered, causing Eddie to sigh.

“I have to get Chris to school, you can yell at me later.” He said with a huff and opened the door. Bobby rolled his eyes and followed him inside. He sat with Chris and talked with him for a little while and Eddie went to check on Buck.

Buck was still curled up in a small ball, and didn’t acknowledge Eddie when he came in. Eddie gently kissed Buck’s forehead and left to take Chris to school.

When Buck heard the front door close, he slowly slid out of bed with a soft whimper going to the kitchen. He paused when he saw Bobby sitting in the living room. Bobby looked up from the book he had brought and offered Buck a small smile. “How are you doing?” he asked gently.

Buck shrugged, grabbing his pain meds and took the recommended dose. He then shuffled his way back to the bedroom and curling up in a ball on the bed, falling back to sleep almost immediately.

Bobby followed him, and gently covered him back up. He hated seeing Buck like this and having no clue as to why Buck wasn’t talking. Bobby sat on a chair in the room, and read his book while Buck slept.

Bobby didn’t fully focus on the words he was reading. Every time Buck would groan, or whimper Bobby would look up to check on him.

Eddie got home around forty-five minutes after he had left. He came back into the bedroom to see Bobby reading. Bobby closed his book when he saw Eddie. He got up and pulled Eddie out of the room closing the door behind him. “How was he?” Eddie asked gently

“After you left, he got some of his pain meds then went right back to sleep,” Bobby said easily, keeping a watch on Eddie. “Eddie, what’s happening with you?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Why does it matter? I wasn’t physically hurt. They only hurt Buck.” He said numbly.

Bobby rested his hand on the young man’s shoulder, looking into his eyes “Eddie, you watched the love of your life endure a lot of pain and die on you.” He said gently, “That’s not easy. And I can tell you’re not okay.”

Eddie shifted out of Bobby’s grasp and turned away from him. “But they didn’t hurt me. They only hurt him,” he explained, his voice starting to crack.

“Eddie, you’re in pain. And you’re healing just as much as he is.” Bobby studied Eddie. How tense he was, especially.

“Eddie, let me help you. You need someone.” Bobby pleaded.

Eddie turned back to him, looking down at the ground and avoiding all eye contact. “I haven’t been sleeping,” he said softly, “Between Buck’s nightmares, and the noises outside. I just don’t sleep much. But he thinks I do and thinks he doesn’t wake me up when he gets up crying, or his grip around me tightens because something is happening inside his head.” Eddie spoke soft, and slow. “I haven’t really been eating either. I don’t know. I just lost my appetite I guess.”

Bobby watched as Eddie confessed everything and pulled him in for a hug. He was so proud of Eddie for talking, finally. And he was happy he wasn’t captain right now, and he could truly focus on helping them instead of balancing helping and being their boss.

“Eddie, none of this is your fault. You can’t keep blaming yourself.” Bobby said slowly.

Eddie pulled out of Bobby’s grasp, tears welling his eyes. “But it is!” he yelled, “I left him alone!” he cried softly, “I left him! All alone! He was just starting to get better, and we’ve gone so far backwards!” he cried.

Bobby shook his head, “Eddie, you couldn’t have known.” Bobby tried to get Eddie to believe him.

Eddie shook his head no faster. “I was trained for this crap, Bobby. The guy knew that the only way to hurt me was to hurt Buck and that’s exactly what he did,” Eddie’s breath caught in his chest, a wave of guilt and grief washed over him. He dropped to his knees and cried.

Buck heard the thud that was Eddie dropping to his knees and whimpered immediately thinking the bad people were back. He slowly got up and walked towards the door, opening it and shuffling out.

He walked into the kitchen to see Eddie crying on the floor, and Bobby crouched down next to him. Buck’s expression softened, and he relaxed when he figured out the bad men were not back. Buck shuffled over to Eddie, slowly getting himself on the floor and he pulled Eddie into his arms. Buck gave Bobby a concerned look and Bobby tried to give him a reassuring one.

Buck’s arms tangled around Eddie tightly, and Eddie wrapped his own around Buck’s waist hanging on for dear life.

This is the first time Buck had seen Eddie cry since he had gotten out of the hospital. Well, except last night. “Eds, what happened?” he asked softly, gently rubbing Eddie’s back.

Eddie cried into Buck’s side and held on tight. He completely ignored Buck’s question which he knew was foolish, but he was crying and actually showing his emotions, so some progress was better than none.

Buck continued to hold him, gently kissing Eddie’s forehead whispering that he was there, and everything would be okay.

When Eddie finally calmed down, he sat up and rubbed his eyes while glancing between the two men who were both watching him with worried and concerned expressions.

“I’m sorry,” he started to say gently, but both Buck and Bobby shook their heads, “Don’t be, I know you’re not okay. I just wish you would talk to me instead of letting it build until you break, Eds.” Buck implored gently, rubbing Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie chuckled a little laugh, “How’d you know? I thought I hid it well..” he murmured softly.

Buck shook his head, “Eddie, I know when the man I love is not okay. I’ve been able to read you since we met.” He said gently. It was true, Buck was the ‘Eddie Diaz whisperer’.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie, Buck, and Christopher start to get back on a normal schedule when Athena drops by with some unexpected bad news, which sends Buck into a downward spiral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> This chapter talks about: 
> 
> healing from trauma
> 
> self harm
> 
> suicidal thoughts 
> 
> and a suicide attempt
> 
> If any of these could be triggering for you, either skip this chapter, or proceed with caution. Stay safe loves!

The rest of Buck and Eddie’s day was fairly quiet. They stayed home and mainly cuddled in bed until it was time to get Chris from school, and they both went to get him. 

They were standing outside together, leaning against Eddie’s truck. Chris made quick work of walking out to them, and Eddie picked him up into a hug, and pulled Buck in as well. 

Buck hugged his guys with a soft laugh, and they got Chris in the car. They made a quick pit stop at an ice cream place and sat at a table and ate while Chris told them all about school. 

Their evening was decently quiet, Buck helped Chris with his school stuff while Eddie made dinner. Recently Bobby has been teaching both Eddie and Buck, he figured out that they both desperately needed help or poor Chris would starve. 

Buck was still picking up the ropes faster than Eddie, but that was to be expected. Afterall, Buck had started before Eddie had. 

Eddie kept an eye on both Buck and Chris from the kitchen. Eddie was still worried about Buck’s current mental state because he hadn’t wanted to get out of bed that morning, and Eddie didn’t forget about that. He was worried that Buck was going to start self-harming again, and his cuts were just starting to heal up. 

Eddie came out with three plates of food and set one down at each placemat. 

There was a knock at the door and Buck nearly jumped out of his skin, causing a laugh out of Chris who didn’t know any better. Eddie rested his hand firmly on Buck’s shoulder calming him down instantly before going to the door. 

It was Athena, surprisingly. “Hey!” Eddie offered a small smile, and she gave him a quick hug before heading inside. She was still in uniform, so this was business. Buck turned to see Athena, and her eyes met his. He didn’t know why she was here, but she didn’t look as though she brought good news. 

“Hey, Chris? How about you go eat dinner in your room, okay?” Buck asked gently, carrying Chris’ plate into the boys bedroom. He got Chris settled before closing the door and walking back. “Alright, what is it?” Buck asked gently, his body tensing already. 

Athena sat down next to Buck and across from Eddie, Buck was sitting at the head of the table. “There’s no easy way to say this. One of the guys got a deal because he helped us find you guys. So, Eddie, you won’t need to testify because the guy who took the pair of you is dead. However, Buck, you will need to testify.” 

Buck’s heart sank. His eyes flickered between pain and rage, and he just nodded. “Thank you for coming, excuse me.” He said gently and stood up, pulling his arm out of Eddie’s grasp. Eddie gave him a very concerned look, and Buck walked out of the house. Buck got in his Wrangler, and just started to drive. 

Eddie and Athena both exchanged a confused look, “Eddie how are you?” she asked gently. 

“Worried about him.” He replied, still staring at the open front door. He got his phone and texted Carla asking if she could come over. 

“Go, I’ll sit with him until Carla comes.” Athena said with a gentle smile. Eddie nodded, and got in his truck going to find Buck. 

~

Buck had a solid head start on Eddie. He ended up at his old apartment, which was still blocked off witch crime scene tape. He slowly ducked under the tape and went in. His fingers traced over the banister, as he went up the stairs taking a look around. He looked down from the loft, his eyes settling on a blood stain sending him into a flashback. 

He pulled himself out of it a few moments after it started and shook his head. He ran down the stairs and back out to his car. 

He started to drive again, weaving in and out of traffic. This time, he ended up at the 118. He parked in his old parking space and went in. 

He walked in seemingly undetected by the resident firefighters. His fingers traced along the familiar red paint of the truck. He pulled the door handle open and peered inside the engine. He made his way further back into the station, completely zoned out until he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Buck? Buck, can you hear me?” 

It was a familiar voice, but he couldn’t quite tell who it was. He was there, but he wasn’t there. 

He jumped only slightly when the hand landed on his shoulder. Before he knew it, he was being turned around and a hand was snapping in front of his face, then a white light was shining in his eyes. The unknown hand led Buck to sit down on the back of the rig, and Buck did so easily. 

He felt the blood pressure cuff wrapping around his arm and checking him out. Buck looked around the station, completely lost in his own thoughts. 

“Buck?” the voice repeated, slowly pulling him out of his dream state. Buck snapped back into reality almost jumping out if his skin. His eyes landed on Chim, and he smiled, “Hey Chimney!” Buck said with a smile, as if forgetting all of the dark thoughts previously running through his mind. 

Chim gave him a concerned look, “Buck, are you okay?” Chim asked gently. Buck nodded, “I’m good. Just on my way to the beach I think.” Buck said with a smile and stood up. He pulled the blood pressure cuff off his arm and walked out. 

Chim was yelling protests, but Buck wasn’t listening. 

Eddie pulled into the station about two minutes after Buck left, he ran in and almost knocked Chim over, “Have you seen Buck?!” Eddie asked in a frantic, frightened voice. 

“Yeah, you just missed him. He said he was going to the beach” Chim said and before he could finish, a look of pure fear settled over Eddie and he was running out of the station after the man he loved. 

“Can somebody tell me what the heck is going on?!” Chim yelled and sighed a frustrated and defeated sigh. 

Eddie got in his car and drove to the pier. 

Buck had a head start on him, and it had been enough. 

About four minutes after Eddie left, the 118 got a call to the pier for someone who had climbed down and looked about ready to jump off. 

Eddie broke about fifty traffic laws getting to the pier. As soon as he pulled up in his truck he slammed on the breaks, grabbed his keys and took off running. 

Time slowed before Eddie’s eyes. He was running but he didn’t know what he was running to. All he saw was a group of people, and all of them recording something. 

Eddie finally managed to push past the crowd, and he saw Buck perched on one of the wooden logs a few feet below the deck. “Evan!” he yelled, but the blond-haired man didn’t turn or acknowledge him. Before Eddie really even knew what, he was doing, he was climbing over and sliding down the vertical beam. 

His feet landed on a horizontal on next to Buck. “Buck, baby..” he said breathlessly clinging to the vertical post so he didn’t go down. “Buck, look at me..” he pleaded. Buck was just out of Eddie’s arm reach, standing perfectly still with tears falling down his cheeks. 

Buck shook his head, “No!” he exclaimed in a broken sob. He was reliving everything he had gone through. Everything that had happened to him. All the pain. He just wanted it to stop. 

Eddie swore under his breath. The familiar feeling of helplessness wrapping over him. Eddie groaned, and let go of the vertical post, slowly side stepping to Buck. Eddie wrapped his arm around Buck’s waist. “Baby, look at me. Evan, please.” He begged. 

Buck slowly turned to look at him. His eyes were glossy, his cheeks red and puffy. He looked so broken. So very broken. 

“Buck, I love you. You’re safe. Those men can’t hurt you anymore. And we, we will be okay, but I need you to walk back to that post with me. Buck you can do it.” Eddie begged, tightening his grip on Buck. 

Buck shook his head starting to panic, “No, no no!” he yelled and tried to get away from Eddie. Eddie exhaled, focusing on his balance. His feet were starting to wobble. “Buck, I need you to stop moving.” Eddie said gently, trying to calm Buck down. 

Buck shook his head more vigorously, in a full panic not even fully recognizing Eddie. Buck went to step away from Eddie, his foot slipping off the post and he fell. Eddie grabbed Buck’s t-shirt but he fell out of it. Eddie collapsed and grabbed onto the post, smacking his ribs hard. 

Panic and fear ripped through his body, “Buck!” Eddie screamed. When he didn’t see Buck resurface, Eddie let go and fell into the water. He dove down and tried to find Buck, but he had to go back up. 

The 118 arrived via boat just as Buck had fallen, and Eddie dropped in. Bobby had witnessed Eddie falling directly onto his ribs, and knew they had to get him out just as much as they needed to get divers in to find Buck. 

Bobby grabbed Eddie under his armpits before Eddie could even attempt to get away and pulled him into the raft in one swift motion. Eddie screamed and got up trying to go back in, but Bobby was holding him too tight. “No!” he screamed, fighting against Bobby’s grip as hard as he possibly could. 

Bobby held him close, “We’ll find him, Eddie breathe. Calm down.” Bobby whispered, now holding Eddie. Eddie was panicked and kept trying to fight Bobby off, but the pain coming from his ribs caught up to him. He groaned and collapsed into Bobby and started to cry. 

~ 

Eddie sat straight up, screaming. The next thing he knew, the light was on and a hand was resting on his back. “Eds?” Buck asked gently, concerned and his expression was pale. 

Eddie heard Buck’s voice, and turned around tackling Buck, “You’re alive!” he sobbed, clinging to Buck for dear life. Buck groaned, Eddie hit his chest just right sending a shock wave of pain through his body, but he pulled Eddie close.  
“Of course, Eds. Why wouldn’t I be?” Buck asked while gently rubbing Eddie’s back, and his hair. 

Eddie cried into Buck’s chest, “Athena came, then you left then Y-you climbed down the pier. And you fell. And I had you. I had your shirt. Then you fell out of your shirt and you were gone. Gone gone gone.” He sobbed, “I lost you. I couldn’t save you! Again! You can’t die on me!” Eddie sat up looking Buck straight in the eyes, “Don’t you ever die on me!” 

Buck listened as Eddie spoke between the sobs that were shaking his entire body. His expression softened when Eddie sat up, “Eds, you found me at the station with Chim, remember? Then we came home and cuddled and went to bed. I’m not going anywhere baby. I promise. Lay back down,” he whispered gently pulling Eddie back into his neck, by holding the back of Eddie’s neck. 

Eddie relaxed into Buck’s arms, sobbing. He clung to Buck, never wanting to ever let go. Never again. Buck would never be in pain again. He would keep them safe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Buck have good day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff fluff fluff fluff & teasing

The annoying beeping of the alarm clock came all too soon. Eddie rolled over and turned it off, then nuzzled back into Buck’s arms. Buck had been up ever since Eddie had woken up screaming. He was too nervous to go back to sleep for a plethora of reasons, but Eddie was his primary concern.

Eddie looked up at Buck, and smiled at him gently, “Can I kiss you?”

Buck nodded but rolled them over, so he was straddling Eddie. He kissed Eddie softly, more of a little peck. Eddie pulled Buck into his chest, deepening the kiss slightly. He wouldn’t go too terribly far unless Buck made the first move.

Buck pulled back slightly but giggled. “Eddie Diaz, what are you doing?” he asked with a laugh, his voice sounded lighter than it had in ages.

The familiar sound of happy Buck sent chills down Eddie’s back. “I’m showing you how much I love you,” Eddie whispered into Buck’s ear, his breath sending chills and goosebumps down Buck’s entire body. “Tell me if you wanna stop, okay?” Eddie asked gently, and Buck nodded eagerly.

Eddie started to kiss Buck’s lips again, then pulled away and started to kiss his cheek, leaving a gently trail of kisses to Buck’s ear which he nibbled at playfully. Buck giggled squirming slightly but didn’t go to stop Eddie.

Eddie gently bit down and tugged slightly on Buck’s earlobe, causing him to let out a soft moan. Eddie then proceeded to kiss down Buck’s neck.

Buck blushed, his cheeks turning a bright red rosy color. Sure, this was nothing that he wasn’t used to, but it hadn’t felt this good in a while, and Eddie knew what he was doing.

Eddie began to suck gently on Buck’s neck but stopped abruptly when Chris knocked on the door. “Daddy!” Chris yelled.

Buck nuzzled his face letting a quiet whine escape, holding Eddie close.

“What is it buddy?” Eddie yelled back at Chris, gently biting Buck’s neck.

Buck let out a soft yelp, and blushed harder, “It’s time for school!” Chris yelled back.

Eddie and Buck both exchanged an ‘oh shit’ moment. They had both lost track of the time. They both got up and got dressed, “be out in a sec, Chris go pack your backpack!” Eddie yelled, and pulled Buck in for a kiss before they both opened the door.

They got Chris some breakfast and made their way out to the truck. They dropped Chris off at school, then drove to the hospital to get Buck’s stitches removed.

Eddie parked the truck at the hospital, and they got out taking their hands and putting them together. They checked Buck in, and then followed the nurse into the prep room and Buck changed into a gown.

Buck rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder, and took a baby nap while they waited for the doctor to come in.

The doctor came in about ten minutes later, and Buck perked up. The three talked about Buck’s recovery so far. Buck said how Frank wanted him to go back to work sooner rather than later. The doctor had no objections, if the stitches felt okay after being removed tomorrow then he could go back the following day.

This made Eddie slightly nervous, because at this rate Buck would be back before he would be, maybe. They both had appointments with Frank back to back after they left the hospital.

Buck thanked the doctor, and they went back to Eddie’s truck and Buck no longer had stitches in his chest. They had a little time to kill, so they were going to go and get some lunch.

As they walked up next to the truck, Buck gently pulled his hand away from Eddie’s and grabbed the neck of Eddie’s shirt, pushing him backwards gently into the truck.

Eddie laughed as his back hit the truck, and locked his lips with Buck’s, “You’re getting ballsy,” he whispered gently, almost teasing Buck.

Buck shrugged, “Good day.” He murmured softly, then pulled away immediately shying off, “I-I can stop,” he said dropping his head and looking down.

Eddie lifted Buck’s chin with his hand, “Hey, did I say stop? No.” he said and kissed Buck. Buck smiled against Eddie’s lips, and the man went back to what he had been doing earlier, he left a trail of soft kissed from Buck’s lips to his cheek and nibbled on his ear gently, pulling loosely.

Buck knew Eddie was teasing him, but he didn’t mind. Not in the slightest. It felt good, and he wasn’t complaining. He let Eddie have his fun for a couple minutes, then pulled him up and kissed him gently, “Food.” Buck said with a pout.

Eddie laughed and nodded, “Get in then,” he said with a big smile.

Eddie drove to their favorite drive through burger place and ordered their food then parked so they could eat.

So far, today had been an okay day. Eddie had recovered from the nightmare of Buck dying in front of him again, and Buck hadn’t been triggered yet today. Eddie knew not every day would be like this, but this was the longest consecutive time that Buck had been… almost… happy.

When Eddie finished eating, he drove to Frank’s office.

Buck looked out the window, studying the surroundings as they passed them by. He was focused on something, but Eddie couldn’t tell what exactly.

Eddie parked in one of the spaces outside the office building, and reached his hand out to Buck, “Buck?” he asked gently before taking Buck’s hand in his. Buck was too far spaced out to notice Eddie’s motions or voice.

It took about three minutes, but Buck snapped out of his trance.

“Hey, you ready to go in?” Eddie asked gently. Buck nodded and they walked in, hand in hand.

Frank came out and greeted them, then had Buck go back with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SUCK at tags. If you have any way of describing the level of what I should put as the tag? because it was all just kind of teasing?? 
> 
> help a girl out please 😂


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck and Eddie go to therapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible trigger warning? Mainly healing from emotional trauma, though this chapter is not very descriptive.

Buck sat on the chair across from Frank. He was tense, and on edge for some reason.

“Evan, how have the last few days been?” Frank asked gently.

Buck looked up. “I mean, the doc gave me the all clear to go back to work in two days. If you sign off I’m good to go.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

“Nervous. But okay. You know, it’s weird.” Buck offered a shrug, “I remember everything that happened the first time. But the second, I only remember a lot of pain. Then the ambulance, then the hospital. I don’t remember everything Eddie does. And he’s so far from okay. I don’t know how to help him.” Buck shifted uncomfortably.

Frank nodded, “Buck, do you think Eddie knows how to help you?”

Buck took a moment to think. He really didn’t know. He shook his head and Frank nodded. “How about this, how about you make him a list of things that help you, and I’ll have him do the same.” Buck nodded, that was a good idea.

Buck spent the next ten minutes writing a list, which he passed to Frank.

“Now, do you feel you’re ready to go back to work?”

Buck didn’t know what to say. The answer was an easy no, but he had fought so hard to get back to the 118. And his good days were becoming more frequent than bad ones. All Buck could do was nod.

Frank smiled, “Good, I think it will help you heal faster. I’ll recommend you for part time and leave it up to Bobby to decide when you’re ready for full time. However, you will need to keep weekly meetings with me.”

Buck nodded. They talked for the remaining half hour, then Buck and Eddie swapped places.

Eddie gave Buck a soft kiss as Eddie walked in to talk to Frank. He sat down across from Frank, only he looked a lot more defeated than Buck had.

“So, how have you been?” Frank started easily.

Eddie shifted. “I mean. Today was good? Buck was in a really good mood. And he seems ready to go back to work which is good for him.” Eddie trailed off.

Frank nodded, “And how do you feel about it?” he asked seriously.

“He died in front of me. And, I keep having dreams that he dies, in all of them. I would never ask him not to go back… but…” he trailed off again, letting the unsaid but known to both parties thought of _I don’t want him to go back_ linger in the air.

“You’re having dreams? Nightmares?” Frank inquired.

Eddie nodded, “I guess I still feel helpless. And I can’t lose him. You know?” and Frank nodded. “So, when can I go back anyways?” Eddie pressed slightly.

Frank jotted down a quick note. “Eddie, I’m sorry. I can’t let you go back to work yet. You’re not ready, physically you never stopped being ready, but mentally is a different story.” He said gently, studying Eddie’s reaction.

Eddie quickly became enraged, “What?!” he snapped. “No, this is stupid. I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for Bobby.” He groaned.

“Who is your Captain, and he needs you to have a clear head. I can’t allow you to go into field work if you can’t focus on your job. And, you can only focus on Buck and his well-being. And right now, that’s exactly what your telling me you cannot do, that you cannot focus on your job and not Buck. I cannot put you back in the field, where any number of things could go wrong. Including Mr. Buckley be harmed, and you lose it and go into a PTSD spiral. It would put you, and your whole team in grave danger Eddie, I’m sorry. My hands are tied.”

Eddie stood up, “This is absurd.” And he\ headed for the door.

“I’ll see you Monday at 1!” Frank yelled and the door slammed shut.

Buck was standing the moment the door flew open, “Eddie? What’s wrong?” he asked gently. Eddie’s rage frightened him a little, but he hid it.

Eddie took Buck’s hand and pulled him outside. Buck snatched his hand back, glaring at Eddie. “Edmundo.” He said firmly.

The use of his first name took Eddie by surprise and he instantly checked himself. “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have grabbed you.. not like that..” he whispered looking down.

Buck’s eyes softened, and he took Eddie’s hand. “fill me in now that you’re calm.” Buck said gently as the pair walked back out to Eddie’s truck.

Buck understood all three sides of this. Frank’s, Eddie’s, and Bobby’s. He honestly didn’t want Eddie in the field right now and knew that was probably how Eddie felt about Buck. Buck’s heart hurt for Eddie because he was so visibly upset, but Eddie was healing from his own trauma, and he wasn’t putting that at priority one still. And he would continue to not heal so long as he continued to not put himself first.

Buck and Eddie were now in the truck, driving home. They got home about three hours before they would need to leave to get Chris. “You know…” Buck whispered gently pecking Eddie’s cheek. “We have some time,” he whispered into Eddie’s ear, nibbling softly.

Eddie glanced to Buck, a weary and confused look. “Are you sure?” he asked gently, and Buck laughed, pulling Eddie out of the truck. Buck kissed Eddie all along the walk and pulled off Eddie’s shirt. They opened the front door, which Eddie had pinned Buck against, to find Carla sitting on the couch. They immediately separated like opposing magnets, “Carla, Hey!” Buck’s cheeks flushed a bright red and he avoided all eye contact.

Carla looked at Buck, then Eddie and laughed. “Did y’all forget Chris had a half day of school or somethin’?” She asked with a laugh.

Eddie and Buck again exchanged an ‘oh shit’ look and Eddie looked around the room, “Where is he?” Eddie asked gently. Today was just an ‘oh shit’ kind of a day.

Carla let out a loud laugh, “He’s in his room dumb butts!”

Eddie picked up his shirt and pulled it back on while Buck sat down across from Carla. “So, how about a trip to the zoo?” Buck inquired glancing between Eddie and Carla, “After all, it’s inland.” He said with a faint laugh.

Eddie nodded, “I’ll go tell Chris. Carla, are you going to come?”

Carla raised her eyebrow, “Or I can just take him and give you two some _alone_ time.” Carla was a huge supporter of the two and was delighted to see Buck this happy. He deserved it, and he deserved to heal. 

Buck looked at Eddie, kind of a pleading look on his face, but he shook his head with a smile, “No, no we’ll all go. Chris will love that.” He said gently, and Eddie nodded going to get Chris ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm beyond excited for the next chapter, but I have two other fics and a chapter for a third started that I am going to finish before I write the next chapter. So it may be a day or two! 
> 
> But, the next chapter is going to be all domestic fluff and adorable and like. a much deserved break for both of the guys. okie spoilers stop here. 
> 
> Thank you all for your continued support! You guys are amazing!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter! Feel free to leave your feedback, comments & kudos make my day!


End file.
